Today's Daily DumbAss

A Compendium of Everything Wrong In The World

Naked woman filmed smearing herself in ketchup at fast food restaurant arrested

Angelic Isabella Valle, 23, faces charges of lewd and lascivious conduct following the shocking incident, which was filmed by onlookers and posted online

Isabella Valle

Arrested: Angelicn Isabella Valle was filmed stripping naked and smearing ketchup over her body

A woman was arrested after stripping naked and smearing ketchup all over her body in a bizarre incident at a fast food restaurant, police said.

Angelic Isabella Valle faces charges of lewd and lascivious conduct following the x-rated show, which was filmed by onlookers and posted online.

Police said the 23-year-old walked to the second floor of the Miami Beach fast food restaurant on Ocean Drive.

Humped to death by a pet camel

A randy camel has killed its woman owner after apparently trying to mate with her.

The ten-month-old animal, weighing 150kg (23st 8lb), knocked exotic pet lover Pam Weaver to the ground before trying to straddle her.

Husband Noel, who gave her the camel as a 60th birthday present in March, returned home to discover his wife’s body on Saturday.

Mrs Weaver, who has a daughter, was in the middle of cooking dinner and there was a cup of tea on the table.

The camel was wandering loose in the back yard.

The animal had a history of erratic behaviour, often trying to straddle other species including the family’s pet goat.

Det Craig Gregory said: ‘I would say it had probably been playing or it may even be a sexual sort of thing.

Mrs Weaver had a love of exotic pets.

‘The family had considered buying her a llama or alpaca but found they were too expensive.’

But camel expert Chris Hill said he had no doubt its behaviour was sexual.

Mr Hill, who has been offering camel rides to tourists for 20 years, said young camels were not aggressive but could be dangerous if treated as pets.

The bizarre tragedy happened at the Weaver family’s sheep and cattle ranch near Mitchell, 600km (350 miles) west of Brisbane.

Australia has a huge wild camel population which has grown since their introduction as pack animals in the 1800s.

Ohio woman castrates man after offer of $13 for sex: police

The woman apparently was displeased by the measly payment and stabbed the man in the scrotum, police said. She made off with his cash while the man crawled upstairs to wake his sister and ask her to take him to a Dayton, Ohio, hospital.

NR

'Love & Hip Hop' Sex Tape Cripples Home Depot NATIONAL SHOWER ROD SHORTAGE

 

Demand is going through the roof for gymnastics-strength shower rods -- all thanks to "Love & Hip Hop" star Mimi Faust's sex tape acrobatics -- and Home DepotLowe'sTarget, and Walmart are struggling to keep up.

We called employees at each of the major retailers (from Georgia to Cali) and we're getting the same story -- ever since the trailer for Mimi's sex tape came out, people have been racing to purchase their own super-strong shower rods to recreate the Mimi experience.

And supplies are running out -- a customer at one Home Depot in Georgia tells us, they were totally sold out of Mimi-strength shower rods.

This is a real thing -- a Twitter search for "Mimi shower rod" shows an endless list of people trying to get their hands on one. There's even a Twitter account dedicated to it (@MimiShowerRod). And don't even get us started on the Vine videos.

We reached out to officials at Home Depot, Lowe's, Walmart, and Target -- no word back so far.

 (via TMZ)

Pastor Bans Women From Wearing Any Underwear in Church

 

Pastor Bans Women From Wearing Any Underwear in ChurchSEXPAND

A pastor in Kenya told women they cannot wear underwear in church anymore, because it prohibits them from feeling close to God.

Oh. OK.

According to a report in the Kenyan Post, Reverend Njohi said women who attend his services at the Lord's Propeller Redemption Church in Nairobi are forbidden from wearing bras and underwear. Njohi said when going to church, people need to be "free in body and spirit" so they can receive Christ.

However, men, it would seem, can reach God just fine and dandy with their underwear on in Njohi's church, because he hasn't requested them to do anything similar. See, ladies, it's only your fancy schmancy frilly undies that block the sweet, loving power of the Lord from saving your soul. Maybe the ladies could just switch and wear boxers or Hanes BVDs or something, tho?

This isn't an optional thing either, according to Metro:

The pastor added there would be grave consequences if his female members did not adhere to the new rule, which was reportedly adhered to as most women are said to have attended the next service with no underwear.

Njohi told mothers to check their daughters to make sure they don't have underwear on, so they can be close to Jesus. I'm not even comfortable writing this. Oh Jesus Christ, indeed.

I must have missed that part in Bible study, where Jesus talked about how all the ladies need to ditch their panties and bras in order to praise him. But then again, that Jesus guy was always going on and on about stuff. It's easy to see how I might have missed something.

Via Christian Nightmares; Image via Getty Images.