Today's Daily DumbAss

A Compendium of Everything Wrong In The World

Horace woman charged with hiding broken meth pipe in vagina





FARGO – A Horace woman is charged with felony drug possession after an officer responding to a car crash discovered the woman bleeding from her vagina, a result of what turned out to be a broken methamphetamine pipe.Jeana Marie Smart, 26, was charged Monday in Cass County District Court with one count of Class C felony possession of drug paraphernalia.  Court documents filed with the case state that Officer Michael Benton was called Sunday to a rear-end crash in the 3500 block of Main Avenue.  Smart had allegedly hit another car that had slowed down for westbound traffic.

Smart also had an unrelated warrant out on drug and drug paraphernalia charges, and Benton arrested her.  As the pair left the squad car, the police report states Benton noticed blood where Smart sat. Smart said she was menstruating. The report states blood continued dripping down her legs and onto the jail floor inside the booking area.

A search allegedly revealed a broken glass meth or crack pipe and a capped syringe within Smart’s vagina.

She was taken to Essentia Health’s emergency room, where medical staff removed additional broken glass.  Her bail was set at $2,000.

How to Deep Fry a Turkey (Duck Dynasty Version)

When it comes to frying up a feathered feast, there may be no better experts than bearded duckmen Si and Jase Robertson. As members of the Duck Commander family, they know how to be safe when frying a bird. That is why they have teamed up with insurer State Farm® to reinforce the importance of turkey fryer and cooking safety this holiday season with a brand-new video titled Hang on a Minute with Jase and Si Robertson.



Two women shoot twerking video on NYC subway tracks

Two woman risked life and limb to twerk on city subway tracks in a new, video that surfaced on YouTube Monday.

t’s not clear what station the duo chose to stage their daring dance, but an MTA spokesman said it appears to be a station on the 8th Avenue line and the video has been sent to the NYPD.

(via NY Daily News)


BREAKING.. Mayor Does NOT Want To Eat Former Staffers P*ssy !!

November 15, 2013.. Mayor Rob Ford of Toronto Canada, who you might know as the “crack smoking Mayor”, Announced today to a full press conference that he does NOT want to eat, former staffer ‘Olivia Gondeks’ pussy, as he replied that he is happily married and “has enough to eat at home”.

Dashcam Video: Milwaukee Drunk Driver Goes Airborne at 109 MPH. Crashes Into Police Car

Is it any wonder this guy was arrested under the Wisconsin Super Drunk Driver Law? How else would you categorize what he did in this video? Here's more from the Daily Mail:

Kevin Hutchins led police on a mad chase at speeds of up to 109 mph through Milwaukee in the early hours of Wednesday morning, after being spotted driving the wrong way on a city road.  With three cars tailing him, the 40-year-old who has twice been arrested for drink driving, smashed into a roadside barrier which sent his car spinning into a patrol vehicle.

If convicted of all charges, Hutchins could face up to 32 years in prison . . . sober.

You son of a gun, Marty!' Biden congratulates the wrong Walsh

From NBC News:

After Democrat Martin Walsh won Boston's mayoral race on Tuesday, Vice President Joe Biden called to congratulate him. The problem? He called the wrong Martin Walsh.

“You son of a gun, Marty! You did it," Biden told the not-mayor-elect Walsh, according to the Boston Globe.

But the vice president wasn't the only one to make the mistake.

Democratic National Committee Chairwoman Debbie Wasserman Schultz and Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak all called political consultant Martin Walsh and not mayor-elect Walsh, according to reports.

A White House phone operator even rang asking him to hold for President Barack Obama before Walsh explained they had the wrong man, the State House News Service reports.

Walsh was sitting on his couch at home watching election results when the calls came in. He and his wife laughed off the confusion and offered to help Biden track down the number of the Martin Walsh he was looking for.

“We’re a dime a dozen in Boston,” Walsh told the Globe. “I probably know eight Marty Walshes.”

Obama denies ‘you can keep it’ videotaped promises

President Barack Obama told his enthusiastic supporters Monday night that he never promised what video recordings show him promising at least 29 times.

The videos show Obama promising 300 million Americans that “if you like your health-care plan, you will be able to keep your health-care plan, period.”

But that’s not what he really said, Obama announced Monday in a speech to about 200 Organizing for Action supporters, gathered at the St. Regis hotel in D.C.

“What we said was you could keep it if it hasn’t changed since the law was passed,” he told Obamacare’s political beneficiaries and contractors.

That claim is not supported by his videotaped statements, which don’t include any mention of his new “if it hasn’t changed” exception.

But the newly-revealed exception is justified by a higher-priority promise in Obamacare, Obama declared.

“If we had allowed these old plans [to continue]… then we would have broken an even more important promise — making sure that Americans gain access to health care that doesn’t leave them one illness away from financial ruin,” he announced.

“So the bottom line is, is that we are making the insurance market better for everybody,” he declared, prompting loud applause by supporters eager to ignore his three years of fraudulent statements.

Obama’s higher promise is now causing the cancelation of insurance policies chosen by at least 3.5 million Americans.

The cancellations are spreading from the individual market to the small-group market. For example, Kentucky’s Department of Insurance has reported that 150,000 people in small-group plans — typically created for employees of small companies — are losing their insurance.


Obama urged his supporters to counter the political effect of the many cancellations by highlighting good-news stories, and by reassuring people who have lost their insurance that they can buy new Obamacare-compliant policies.

“I realize that can be scary for people if they just get some [cancellation] notice like that… we’ve got to make sure that we’re getting them the right information,” he said.

New York Times Editorial Blooper - "He misspoke"


The New York Times upped the hackery Sunday when its editorial board absurdly claimed that President Obama didn’t really lie when he said “you can keep your plan.” Guys, he totally just “misspoke!” Over and over. Period.

The video is from New Yorker which shows Obama repeating this outright lie TWENTY THREE TIMES!

RINO Rep. Peter King: Ted Cruz Is A “False Prophet, Leading Us Into The Valley of Death”…

It’s almost like Rep. Media Whore is telling the left-wing media exactly what they want to hear so he gets his name in print and on TV.

Rep. Peter King (R-NY) on Friday continued to criticize conservatives and their effort to defund the health care law led by Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX).

“I wish some of these guys that want to be national leaders would speak out. I don’t know anybody else who did it besides me during this time,” King told the Associated Press. “I actually went and said, ‘This is crazy, Cruz is a fraud, he’s a false prophet, he’s leading us into the valley of death.’”

King said the federal government shutdown was pointless. (via TPM )

Black Minister Caught Setting Fire & Painting Racist Graffiti In Attempt To Fake Hate Crime Sentenced To 2 Years

A black Virginia minister accused of setting his own front porch on fire and spray-painting the N-word on his home, in an attempt to fake a hate crime, was sentenced Thursday to two years in prison.Olander D. Cuthrell, 41, the former minister of music at Gospel Shepherd Baptist Church and an Army veteran, told the judge he was ashamed and embarrassed of what he did in March amid financial woes.  “It was the most irrational decision that I made in my life,” he told the judge. “I can’t say just how bad I hate it.”


Cuthrell was accused of spray-painting the N-word on two sides of his home, pouring gasoline on his family’s porch and then igniting it and setting his family’s parked 1992 BMW on fire.  After setting the fires he went back inside the home, stripped himself of his clothes and went to sleep “waiting for the house to burn down,” Chesterfield prosecutor Laura Khawaja said in court.

His son, however, reportedly discovered the porch fire and extinguished its flames while the car fire flared out on its own.   Authorities quickly turned their focus on Cuthrell in their investigation and the minister ultimately confessed to setting the fire, saying he was motivated by financial problems. Cuthrell was arrested back in April.

“I think he is a good man who did something bad in a moment of weakness,” defense attorney Richard Gates reportedly told the judge.