Today's Daily DumbAss

A Compendium of Everything Wrong In The World

Florida Police Report Arrest Of Captain Dickhead

A Florida man was arrested early yesterday after telling police that his name was “Captain Dickhead.”

Cops responding to a 1:45 AM disturbance at a residence in Sebastian encountered Pamela Alonge, who apologized for arguing loudly with her boyfriend in the home’s backyard.

When asked multiple times to identify himself, the boyfriend refused and was “being evasive and argumentative with officers at the scene,” according to an arrest affidavit.

After cops handcuffed the man, they took one more shot at extracting a name from him. “At which time he said his name was ‘Captain Dickhead,’” an officer reported.

Investigators subsequently identified “Dickhead” as Joseph Boren, 25. He was arrested on a misdemeanor obstruction charge. After eight hours in custody, Boren (seen above) was released from jail on his own recognizance. Boren is scheduled for an April 17 court appearance.

Genetically Engineered Beluga Whales Are Attacking Christian Families with Homosexual Chemtrail Water at Seaworld

beluga whales sea world

beluga whales sea world

 

The genetically engineered beluga whale is showing all the classic hallmarks of homosexuality:   rippling abs that shamelessly glisten in the waters beneath the summer sun, a healthy rose hue of the skin and a unnerving desire to expose Christian families to homosexuality.

The disturbing image from Seaworld in Texas is the latest evidence that Obama’s Jade Helm invasion to enforce gay marriage in the state has many battlefronts.

Sources within Seaworld report the ‘rose pink beluga’ is genetically engineered and was sent to the waterpark via the US Parks Service, which is controlled by the Obama administration.

The beluga whale shows an unnatural pink skin, an exhibit ofgenetically engineered homosexuality first found in pink river dolphins.

 

 
As temperatures soared to nearly 100 degrees in San Antonio, the families gathered at the water park for last moments of summer fun were shocked to find the whale aggressive, muscular and spritzing rainbow colored cold water from its mouth.

 

Somehow within the beluga whale, normal water is laced with homosexual chemtrails .  The animal is then trained to find probable Christian families in the crowd and then spray them with torrents of the water that quickly soaks into the skin.

 

Eyewitnesses report that moments after the whale sprays over swaths of the screaming crowds, men start showing signs of homosexuality.  Their eyes linger on the male figures of the animal trainers.  They get irritable toward their family and seem to make eye contact with other fathers and men in the crowd.

Until further notice the Christian Defense League of Texas is warning families to travel to Seaworld with the precaution that gays are using animals to bring homosexuality to the American family.  It may be best to boycott seaworld until the homosexually engineered animals are removed from the water parks.

Related Posts

Man accused of shooting another man over loud music in Daytona Beach

 

Updated: Mar 23, 2016 - 5:59 AM

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla. —

A man is accused of shooting another man in a dispute over loud music at a gas station, Daytona Beach police said.

Antoine Young, 38, was arrested following Saturday night's incident.

An arrest report said witnesses told investigators that the victim was standing outside the A1A Market and Deli playing music with a friend when Young began arguing with the victim to turn down the volume.

According to the report, witnesses said Young shot the victim in the leg. The victim was taken to a hospital for treatment.

Young faces multiple charges, including aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.

Young was being held on bail.

The Associated Press contributed to this report.

 

Sanford substitute teacher accused of teaching while drunk

Holly Joel

SANFORD, Fla. —

A substitute teacher was arrested Wednesday after Sanford police said she was teaching students while she was intoxicated.

Sanford police said Holly Joel is charged with child neglect, disorderly intoxication and interfering with school administration functions.

Police said that a school resource officer assigned to Bentley Elementary School was notified on Tuesday by school staff that a substitute teacher was possibly intoxicated while she was working.

Officers said they determined that Joel was under the influence of alcohol and had interfered with “the learning environment necessary for education.”

Joel was arrested and taken to the John E. Polk Correctional Facility.

Duck Wearing Bow-Tie Walks Into Pub, Drinks Pint, Fights Dog, Loses

DUCK

A bow-tie wearing duck has been injured in a drunken pub brawl with a local dog in Chulmleigh, Devon.

The booze-loving bird, affectionately named Star, was enjoying a pint in The Old Courthouse Inn with his handler, Barrie Hayman, when Hayman's canine Meggie sparked a bar brawl.

Star was left with injuries to his beak after the fight.

Notorious NYC Subway Thief Takes Over Greyhound Bus

The man who gained notoriety for taking over New York City subway trains is once again in hot water, this time for stealing a Greyhound bus from a Port Authority terminal.

 

Darius McCollum was arrested in Brooklyn on Wednesday after authorities were alerted to the missing bus, Heather Nauert said this morning on “Fox and Friends.”

It was initially said to have been taken from New Jersey, but was later discovered to be stolen from a Manhattan depot, according to the Associated Press.

Naked woman filmed smearing herself in ketchup at fast food restaurant arrested

Angelic Isabella Valle, 23, faces charges of lewd and lascivious conduct following the shocking incident, which was filmed by onlookers and posted online

Isabella Valle

Arrested: Angelicn Isabella Valle was filmed stripping naked and smearing ketchup over her body

A woman was arrested after stripping naked and smearing ketchup all over her body in a bizarre incident at a fast food restaurant, police said.

Angelic Isabella Valle faces charges of lewd and lascivious conduct following the x-rated show, which was filmed by onlookers and posted online.

Police said the 23-year-old walked to the second floor of the Miami Beach fast food restaurant on Ocean Drive.

Owner Hears 'Kaboom,' Finds a Ford Mustang on Roof of Her Home

When Joyce Kingsley heard “kaboom” while at her Michigan home, she immediately thought about extreme weather.

The 83-year-old needed to look up: A Ford Mustang was parked on the roof of her home after the driver had a medical problem Monday and lost control on Interstate 69 in Shiawassee County.

Kingsley’s home about 20 miles northeast of Lansing is built next to a hill, and the roof is nearly level with the ground, The Argus-Press of Owosso reported.

“I was just watching TV inside. I had it up pretty loud — but this was much louder,” Kingsley said.

State police said the Mustang went through several bushes, trees and a fence before stopping on the roof. The driver was treated for low blood sugar but wasn’t hurt.

In this photo provided by the Michigan State Police, a Ford Mustang is stopped on a roof of a house in Woodhull Township, Mich. State police say the driver had a medical problem and lost control of his car on Interstate 69 in Shiawassee County. (Michigan State Police via AP)

“The driver is extremely lucky,” Trooper Ben Rowell said.

Kingsley plans to put a tarp over the damaged roof until it can be fixed.

“It could’ve been a lot worse,” she said. “I’m glad everyone is all right.”

After Binge Watching 'Walking Dead,' N.M. Man Kills Friend Over Zombie Fears

After binge watching a popular show about zombies, a New Mexico man believed his friend was turning into one — so he brutally beat him to death last week, police said.

Damon Perry is accused of beating a friend to death after watching The Walking Dead. Grants Police

Prior to the alleged crime last Thursday, Damon Perry, 23, watched the Netflix show "The Walking Dead" and drank "multiple" 40-ounce bottles of malt liquor with a friend at a relative's apartment, Grants Police spokesman Moses Marquez told NBC News.

Then, Perry told police, the victim, Christopher Paquin, 23, tried "to bite him," according to a statement from cops.

Perry "reacted by brutally beating" Paquin with his hands and feet, the release said, and also used an electric guitar, kitchen knives and a microwave to kill the victim.

At some point, Perry left the apartment and began chasing neighbors, Marquez said. After following one woman with a knife, Perry forced her to lock herself inside her apartment.

No additional injuries were reported, though assault charges are expected, Marquez told NBC News.

When police arrived at the apartment complex around 1 p.m., two maintenance workers were restraining Perry in an apartment doorway. Inside, police found Paquin's body. He was pronounced dead by paramedics.

Perry was being held at Cibola County Detention Center. A clerk at the county's magistrate court, Naomi Ronquillo, told NBC News Monday that Perry did not yet have a lawyer. 

480-Pound Woman Dies After Six Years On Couch

 

 photo

 

 

STUART, Fla. —

A 480-pound Martin County woman has died after emergency workers tried to remove her from the couch where she had remained for about six years.

Woman Stuck To Couch 081104 Gayle Laverne Grinds, 40, died Wednesday, after a failed six-hour effort to dislodge her from the couch in her home. Workers say the home was filthy, and Grinds was too large to get up from the couch to even use the bathroom.

 Everyone going inside the home had to wear protective gear. The stench was so powerful they had to blast in fresh air.

A preliminary autopsy on the the four-foot, ten-inch woman lists the cause of death as "morbid obesity." But officials want to know more about the circumstances inside the home.

Investigators say Grinds lived with a man named Herman Thomas, who says he tried to take care of her the best he could. He has told them he tried repeatedly to get her up, but simply couldn't. No charges have been filed, but officials are looking into negligence issues.

Emergency workers had to remove some sliding glass doors and lift the couch, with Grinds still on it, to a trailer behind a pickup truck. Removing her from the couch would be too painful, since her body was grafted to the fabric. After years of staying put, her skin had literally become one with the sofa and had to be surgically removed.

She died at Martin Memorial Hospital South, still attached to the couch.

Neighbors say they had no idea Grinds lived at the duplex, though they had seen Thomas and some children outside.